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What Brings Me Down #dblogweek

Today marks the fourth day of dblogweek for 2017 and today's topic is "What Brings me Down" which is a real simple answer...Insulin...okay, that was a quick blog, see you all tomorrow.

Okay, you knew I was kidding, so here's the real prompt.
May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?
I get very emotional about my diabetes management, both good and bad. When things go well, I'm generally pretty excited, there were definitely times where I've felt like I'm on the right path, that I'm doing everything right, that I'm doing everything in my power to tackle this disease head-on. When that happens, I tend to look back at what I did and decide to  investigate just how successful those things were.  I do this, because I want to learn how this disease affects me, not just once (n=1 doesn't tell me anything) but consistently how it affects me. That tends to lead to pretty large frustration, mostly because I've found that NOTHING works the same multiple times, there are just too many factors (as I pointed out in day 1) that all go to combine to change my blood sugars.

Both good and bad things come out of this investigation. The positive is that I tend to learn more about how this disease affects me and my body, that's good because I want to make sure that every action I take has a calculated amount of risk associated with it.  Can I afford to have that dessert tonight? Well, if I do, I might not be able to have as good as a blood sugar over the night.  How much emergency materials should I keep by my bedside at night? What happens if I am unconscious in the morning, who is checking on me, who can help me?  These are all things that continually cross my mind, and simply thinking about them tend to cause me to go a bit crazy.  The stress of the unknown is what gets me down.  Sadly, I tend to get that stress only when I visit with my doctor or talk to people about some of the issues I've had.  I know, myself, that I've done the best that I can do with the crap hand I've been dealt, there are only so many hours in a day, only so many times that I can stab my fingers and check my glucose.

I feel that I don't have any issues with mental health, but every time I go see a therapist, I second-guess myself, and that's kind of why I haven't been to the therapist in a while, it tends to bring me down, and I know what's going to be said for the most part.  I have things that I know I need to work on, but I also know there is only so much time I can devote to the other things in my life lest I realize I really do have no life outside of work and diabetes. I feel that the major things that become an emotional issue is looking at how this disease affects my life, mostly the future, it's stressful.  And my coping mechanism is to usually just ignore the negativity and push forward with being me.  if I can keep my glucose in check, what does everything else matter anyway, just have to live your life and let the stresses simply be ignored and pushed off into the abyss.  I know that tends to stress out my loved ones and doctors, but at the same time, they're not the ones taking every step to try to stay alive like I am.


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